Frustration & Breakthrough

I have been working on writing a book on Integral Recovery for a couple of months now. What a ride! Prior to that I had worked on a couple of papers, same subject, one which will be published in the AQAL Journal this fall. The final review process for the AQAL Journal includes a phone interview with Ken Wilber to discuss the paper. I was as nervous as I had ever been, waiting to speak with Ken. Logically, I knew that by the time you speak with Ken in the process, you were in, but my inner little kid didn't know that. Yikes! Once the conversation started the nervousness dissipated and we were just Integral nerds talking about stuff we loved. Ken spoke of writing as a spiritual practice... and so it has been. I have never considered myself a writer, or of becoming one, but the universe has pushed me in that direction since this Integral Recovery thing has been unfolding through me. I have simply had to step up to the plate or miss the game. Each day before I write there is anxiety that has to be dealt with. The messages are "you can't write...you have nothing worth saying, etc. As I do Holosync facillitated meditation everyday I get to look at these negative voices and release them as well as the bodily sensations that come with them, and after that, normally, get my marching orders for the day. "This is what you need to write" and so forth. It is kind of woo woo, but it sure helps, and I'll take it. The first leap was proving to myself I could write and have the discipline to do so. The second was that I had something worthwhile to say and that I know my subject. The Dylan line comes to me, "I'll know my song well, before I start singing." Well it seems that I do. The next issue was the structure of the book. In typical Dupuy fashion I just started writing. Lots of good stuff, but a lot won't make the cut, but will serve as the basis for future articles, etc. This weekend the structure came to me, again in meditation. There is a growing certainty that I can do this and it wants to be done. The next issue was I needed help to write this book. Well, after several humiliating tries at getting advances to afford that help, I got to the "fuck it!" stage where it's just me, God and my Mac. And that is enough. Feels good. I feel liberated. Look out world, ready or not, here comes Integral Recovery.